champion

"Can we talk, um, about stuff?"

My request to eat ice cream with my husband is not unusual, though it has become problematic thanks to a recently discovered gluten problem. The things on top of my mind had nothing to do with wheat amino acids or calories or anything of the sort.

He seemed a bit shocked that I suggested we dialogue over the dinner table instead of in front of the television. Without a proper couch, or even living room set up, this is uncomfortable. I don't need it to be anymore awkward than that which I bring myself.

I'm anxious.

Rocky road, sitting in little glass bowls, staring at me.

"Talk to me, baby. What did you want to discuss?"

"Nothing..."

Wait for it.

"Well, I mean, when you left college what was your mindset? What helped you press on?"

Husband is a wealth of knowledge and self-motivation. He knows no failure and to not say no to himself. He's not only a champion of his own, but my champion.

He tells me the story of taking two months to complete a portfolio, as his parents graciously let him come home for a time. He then got the job he wanted. He knew nothing else.

He encourages me, holding me as he tells me the things I am accomplishing that no one else has done that he knows of. He tells me my mind is a torrential sea, swaying me back and forth. I need to be Neptune, controlling it's waves and ebbs, controlling it instead of the alternative.

He is my champion.

I will be victorious for him.

sixteen days

It's been a long while since I've written anything here, without much good reason. Writing is usually a stress reliever for me and, boy, how I have been stressed.

Half of this year, a good chunk of my 28, has been absorbed with my father's sickness. We are coming to a close on the radiation journey. He seems to be doing well; our phone conversations are less strained, his speaking is much clearer than previous efforts.

Sixteen days left until my birthday. I think. My math skills have been kind of lackluster lately. Maybe I need to get back to doing hundreds of Kumon problems every week! There are lots of things I need to get my brain back on track, out of cancer survival mode, doing what I was trying to before things fell apart.

I will be 29. Starting then, I have 30 things I want to accomplish before my 30th birthday. I'm actually going to be writing a completely separate, hilariously gut-busting blog about it, detailing my own rules for the 30 things I'll be doing. Ok, the only gut I'm really trying to bust is my own--definitely one of my goals.

After the Valley is back into full on production. There are some exciting developments that have taken place in the past week alone that I cannot detail yet. Just be warned, my film will be awesome.

Graduation also comes this December.

I'm trying to take a break from things that distract, people that hurt, and thoughts that destroy. It's hard, but I'm almost to the finish line and when I get there, it will be fantastic.