Stop hitting yourself.

Ah, self inflicted pain that is brought on by some other smug monkey. This sadly happens to be a place where I find myself quite often. No, I'm not literally being smacked by a gorilla in the forest or even remotely anyone in real life. I trust myself to go through my day, read a little bit on Reddit or Facebook, and move on.

This is not how I operate though. Some may say I suffer from low self-esteem, but my husband might say it ranges anywhere from slightly below average on a good day to buried six feet under on most. A lot of times I go on Facebook to get inspired and see what all my super creative and talented friends are up to. They're making movies, writing things, changing the world. You know, kid stuff. What am I doing at that very same moment?

Beating myself up for not doing the things they are doing. Probably not so much the exact task they have found themselves in but more that they are doing what they want and they love it. It satisfies them in the way that I would like to be satisfied, the way my heart desires to be filled. Where their tiny voice encourages them by saying "you can do it!" mine often says "you crazy girl, what are you thinking?" More often than not, that's what it says to me consistently.

Though I've spent most of my life fighting it and guarding myself from it, it seems as though its damn near impossible to flee comparisons in this day and age. I'm sure there are people who manage to avoid that at all costs, but maybe I'm not one of them. To me, all I want is to be happy and creative and appreciated for both of those things. But if I spend all my time comparing and doubting myself, am I really accomplishing anything at all?

Whoever reads this, let's complete a challenge together.

I'm going to try my hardest to swap a negative thought for a positive one.

Instead of thinking someone has already done what I want to do, I'm going to make a list of steps to complete my goals.

I will not listen to those voices who tell me why bother or bring up past failures to tease me.

My husband hates when I talk negatively to myself, and I hate that sometimes I let him see it. Really, my life should be lived that I do not do this kind of thing to myself, that I appreciate and am grateful for all God has blessed me with. A late bloomer by nature, I'm sure my time will come when I will have a chance to prove to myself (more than others at this point) that I can do what I set my mind to.

After all, if God is for me, who can be against me? (Romans 8:31)

My boss has told me that I need to give more credit to myself. It bothers her when I don't speak up in meetings or when I act like working on my degree is not important. How I act in those situations sometimes reflects my mood at the time, often when we have meetings my daily migraines have laid claim to my noggin. Other times its a result of believing all the stupid and mean things people have told me and I have believed.

I hope you'll complete this challenge with me. This is not something that I will say I will do for one week, or one month, or even one year. It is something I must put into practice daily for the rest of my life. Just have to keep pressing on to what I want and it will be mine. The first step, though, is to stop hitting myself.